Review Mode: Nobody Asked You for a Dissertation
Or how I disclaimer-ed the fck out of my answer when I agreed to do a neurodivergent comedy show.
Welcome to Review Mode, a biweekly newsletter where I mark up my social interactions, mining my, like, medical-grade self-monitoring for your reading pleasure.
Sometimes, trying to avoid overstepping swings back around to being a huge dick.
Last month, I received an Instagram DM from the host of an all-neurodivergent comedy show that read as follows:
“Ok, I could’ve sworn I saw you post a reel a while back about being neurodivergent, and I wanted to know if you’d like to do my next neurodivergent comedy show October 21. If you’re free/interested, I can send over more info!”
Instead of saying “I’d love to!” I responded with a whole fucking paragraph.
Specifically, I said, “I’d love to, and I’m free then, but in the interest of full disclosure, my therapist’s take is that, while neurodiversity could be a useful lens for me, I don’t fit neatly into the diagnostic criteria for anything, so I don’t know if that influences whether you’d want to book me.”
Which was not information she’d asked for. Like, even my eyes glazed over re-reading that.
By the way, if you’re hung up on the finer points of whether or not it is actually appropriate for me to be on the show (as I would) follow this footnote1. Otherwise, I’m gonna move on.
When I gave the show’s host those disclaimers, I was thinking “Let me make sure I’m not taking up space that doesn’t belong to me,” but that might not be how it came off. It might’ve actually been kind of shitty.
Like, for example, I’m a trans nonbinary person. But of course not all nonbinary people identify as trans. I’ve heard a lot of nonbinary people who don’t identify that way explain that they don’t want to steal valor. They don’t want to equate their difficulties with those of people whom they consider really trans.
And like, I know there are trans people who’d probably agree with that reasoning. But whenever I hear it, part of me thinks, “Okay, is it that, or is that you don’t wanna be lumped in with us trans people over here?” Like, it feels kind of like a rejection. Cause whatever their reasoning, ultimately they are holding trans-ness at arm’s length.
It’s hard out here. We need all the trans people we can get.2
So, when I disclaim the fuck out of my neurodiversity, that’s probably doing a similar thing. I’m not doing any favors by being weird about owning my autistic and ADHD-ic tendencies.
There are no identity police coming to check my neurodiversity credentials. And if there were, I’d probably be really excited to ask them what metrics they used, how they weighed each one, and how they arrived at that system, and at a certain point, they’d probably just be like, “No, we get it—you’re good.”
The lesson I should but probably won’t learn from this: Less is more. You don’t need to go on and on about yourself in an Instagram DM—that’s what you have a Substack for.
Carson’s Life Updates
I made sweet potato gnocchi, and (as someone who never cooks) it’s all I can talk about. Are you telling me we can just make food?? Like a wizard???
Today’s my birthday! A day when I determinedly ignore all the wonderful ways that people in my life make me feel valued to instead focus on feeling neglected by the few people who don’t. It’s so important to keep these traditions alive.
I’m keeping today’s Substack relatively short, cause I’ve gotta go to the Natural History Museum. I get weird about birthdays/the passage of time, but it’s hard to feel like you’re getting too old when you’re looking at a guy who’s 65 million.
The Boilerplate
Carson Olshansky (still they/them, despite the haters) is a Brooklyn-based comedian and writer. You can follow them at @carsonolshansky on Instagram and TikTok and at @carson-olshansky on YouTube.
Okay, so my therapist has gone through screening questions for both autism and ADHD for me at various points, and the results have always been that I have plenty of neurodivergent tendencies but that neither diagnosis is a perfect fit.
Anecdotally, I’ve always related to the experiences of people with ADHD and/or autism, and I’ve found them easier to get along with, which I think is a pretty relevant metric. I don’t know if you can really claim to be neurotypical if every time you meet someone with autism, you’re like, “Finally, someone who gets it!”
But like obviously if someone doesn’t see themselves as trans, I’m not gonna try to make them. I’m just talking about the people who would identify as trans if they weren’t worried about taking up too much space. I’m sooooo respectful of other people’s identities, I promise!
Happy Birthday Carson!